by Alison Martin

According to Jeff Wise, author of the Universal Dating Regulations and By-laws, the intensity of a relationship is the factor to consider when gift-buying - not the length of time. So, whether you're on the verge of a torrid romance or in the twilight of your partnership, the key is to classify -- know your relationship.

Consider the following before putting your money on your honey:

Romance Rookies: If you find yourself parked outside monogamy's door and do too little, expect an all-expenses paid night at chez Fido -- permanently. But be careful not to do or spend too much, or risk setting the tone for future financial strife. Money aside, nothing says lovin' like a home-cooked meal. Prepare an intimate candlelit dinner that's simple but not Swanson's.

Comfy-old shoes: Your inhibition-free relationship allows you to pee-pee in front of your lover. By now, a box of Laura Secord's almond bark has put a smile on your Valentine's face a dozen times or more, but predictability can be the death of romance. And, no matter what the occasion, power tools and kitchen appliances are not an option. Indulge in little luxuries like a day at the spa or a promise ring.

Sensualists: If you thrive on each other's unpredictability, creativity and energy, consider a gift you can share. No, not a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Pick up some toys, but remember to put your toys away… especially if you have children. What better time to cater to your honey's senses than on a rainy day. Light some scented candles, throw on a little jazz and rub-a-dub-dub in the bubble tub with some bubbly. That takes care of sound, savour and smell… you do the math.

Sentimental Saps: You and snookums celebrate every occasion and milestones -- from your first date, to the first time you met the parents, to the first time you wore comfy ol'cottons instead of a silk thong. With so much practice, marking this sweet occasion probably comes easy. Try a framed photo of the first time you (fill in the blank) or do something for the first time that you can celebrate in future years.

Non-couple (or at least I thought we were a couple): One-way affection doesn't require much explaining. If you're not on the receiving end of this relationship…you're s--- outta luck. Take heart in the adage "It's better to give than to receive," but keep it cheap. There's nothing more pathetic than fussing over a fictional romance.

Kamikaze Kids: Your love for each other thrives in the great outdoors with a shared exhilaration for boarding down the snow covered slopes or scaling a rocky crag. Instead of bonding over your most recent injuries, frolic along the level paths at the zoo and gawk at the Love birds; watch the chimps pick fleas off each other's back or take in a pro-sport game - but, best of all, save some body contact moves for indoors.

Romeo and Juliet: Your relationship is forbidden, secret or unpublicized like King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson or Lancelot and Guinevere. You'd sacrifice everything, including your life -- and your cell phone for one more day together. So buy nothing cuz you don't need to. The gift is the chance to spend not money but time. Like Mastercard, priceless.

Boomerangs (Kiss and Make Ups): You are pitted in opposing corners of the boxing ring. This rollercoaster romance is screaming for a guide to better relationships, anger management and perhaps even a 12-step therapy. Attempt to sweeten the mood with some enticing edibles that will keep your mouths free from yelling for a spell. But in the long run, protective equipment (helmets, knee pads, a jock strap…) may be the most sound and practical investment.

When Harry Met Sally: Your inability to define your relationship is summed up as best "friends." Deny it all you like, but this is a Hallmark moment just waiting to happen. A card (because it's easier) detailing your true love is the most appropriate action. Maybe even spring for a latte during one of those long pointless promenades where you've never ever confessed your true feelings before.

Vintage or Visa: Hey big spender, you're clearly in the going-steady zone, nearing the last-call of singledom. Big ticket items are the only way to go, because nothing short of 40-inch TV screen will help when there is really nothing left to say. Besides who wouldn't enjoy a new and exciting entertainment system when there's practically no excitement going on anywhere else - especially the bedroom.